The Tales of Link and the Rubberband!
by midnightwarrior1
Summary: Link shall tell his adventures about his awesome rubberband saving the day countless times. CHAPTER 3 finally up! It's been a while...
1. Saving the Children!

Midnight: Hello.  
  
Muse: Yes, hi..  
  
Midnight: It's a new Zelda fic! Yay!  
  
Muse: Yay?  
  
Midnight: I've written two others a long time ago but they sucked, so I'm attempting Zelda humor! Mwahahah!  
  
Muse: We have NO idea if this idea has been used before, so if it has..  
  
Midnight:..PLEASE DON'T KILL ME!!!!!!  
  
Muse: I'll do the disclaimer...She doesn't own Zelda or anything like that, so, yeah....  
  
Midnight: Enjoy!  
  
~_~_~_~_~_*_~_~_~_~_~  
  
(Just making sure you remember Link is telling the story ~.n)  
  
It was a beautiful day in the land of Hyrule. I was taking a walk with my new rubber band that I had found earlier that day, and boy, was that rubber band SO COOL! It was stretchy and it could shoot things from long distances. What more could anyone need?  
  
Wait. I'm getting off track..anyway, like I was saying, 'twas a great day in Hyrule. The sun was shining, the grass was green, the sky was clear, and screams of little children could be heard. I pondered for a moment, but the screaming blocked my concentration considerably. Wait a sec here, SCREAMS OF LITTLE CHILDREN??!??  
  
I ran as fast as I could towards the Hylian Lake. As I got there, I saw a giant, mutated, brown, of all colors brown, pft. Oh yeah, where was I? Oh! I saw a giant, mutated, brown Zora. The creature had a little child in it's hand and below, other kids were screaming trying to save the child, or trying not to get themselves killed..actually, I have no idea what they were doing. Wait, they were panicking. Yeah!  
  
Anyway, after standing there for 10 minutes in shock, I finally decided I should conquer the beast and save the poor child, but then I realized, I had left ALL my weapons at home. How could I have been so stupid? Well, actually I was getting my sword repaired and the others were at home, but still, I was unarmed. Which was bad. I was starting to panic myself, but then I realized; I had my new, cool, stretchy rubber band which could do a lot of damage! First, I decided to communicate peacefully with the llama, err, I mean, Zora. How did 'Llama' get in there? Oh yeah, that reminds me, I have a story about a llama but back to the current story.  
  
My new motto "Peace before Violence" So I decided to communicate with the creature with my suave, sly, and talented abilities.  
  
"HEY! PUT THE KID DOWN MORON!!!" I said.  
  
I figured that after that he would leave the kid alone and go on his way, but no, boy, was I wrong. The mutated Zora just threw the kid at me and grabbed another one. Technically, my mission was done. I was only there to save the kid who landed somewhat safely on the ground, but now he had another child and I had to save her.  
  
"HEY! PLEASE PUT THE GIRL DOWN!!!" I asked, hoping the Zora would grant my wish and be on his way.  
  
Wrong again, this time he threw the girl in the lake, and grabbed the remaining child and began to walk away. This got me very angry. I tried to make peace with him, no violence, but no. He was mean and decided to still terrorize the children. I was so mad. Now it was time for me to take action and destroy this evil Zora, the evil, BROWN, mutated Zora.  
  
"Hey! MR. ZORA GUY!" I yelled, catching his attention.  
  
"I TRIED TO REASON WITH YOU, BUT NOW I HAVE TO TAKE ACTION, SO FEEL MY WRATH!!!!!! THE WRATH OF MY RUBBERBAND!!!"  
  
With that, I got out my rubber band, oh so gracefully. I positioned it on my hand so that I could aim for the monster and bring it down with one shot. After it was in place, I was ready to take down that monster. I let the rubber band go. It went so far, about 3 feet from where I was to reach the giant Zora. I guess he was walking pretty slowly.  
  
The rubber band soared through the air and hit the Zora on the back of his neck, causing a great stinging sensation. He dropped the child and fell into the lake, screaming with pain and agony and confusion, I suppose..I almost felt bad for him.  
  
The Zora had melted from the water and turned out to be a stupid butterfly. Yeah, A BUTTERFLY!!! How the heck did that happen? Idunno, but it did.  
  
Suddenly, I realized the children weren't completely safe so I searched for them. I found the two boys, who were dropped from 60 feet up and were now on the ground. The girl was fortunate enough to land in the lake..well, actually, later I found out it wasn't so fortunate because she couldn't swim, but she made it safely anyway.  
  
Now, all the children had a few bruises, well, BIG bruises and were a bit confused but they were now safe. They all went home, though their sense of direction was a bit strange because they kept heading for the lake. HUMANS DON'T LIVE IN LAKES!!! Right? I ended up leading Johnny, Suzy, and Otis home (Yeah they have names, as I learned!). The rubber band had saved the day! YAY RUBBER BAND!!!  
  
That is the end of that story, but I have so many more to tell! So BEWARE! MWAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
~~__~~__*__~~__~~  
  
Midnight: Wow, I made Link look stupid..  
  
Muse: But, FUNNY! Sort of...  
  
Midnight: PLEASE REVIEW!!! And if you want, you can give me some ideas and I'll dedicate the chapter to you!  
  
Muse: Yay!!! 


	2. Killer Hangover

Midnight: Look who's back!

Muse: Yeah, you're back, woohoo! dies

Midnight: rolls eyes Without further hesitation, here's the next chapter!

Well, after saving the children, I figured I could use a nice cup of hot coffee or something. Yeah. This really sucked. All my weapons were STILL in the shop and with the death of Navi, I was all alone.

While walking into the city, I tipped my hat thinger-ma-bobber at the guard and walked down the streets proudly. I felt so cool after saving those children and all. My conscience told me to look **really** cool, I'd need to look like a man. Nobody gave to hollers whether I saved those kids. Actually, when the kids were returned home, the parents rolled their eyes and groaned and slammed the door in my face.

So I said to myself, "Self, what should I do?"

"Go get a beer young lad!"

So I did, and boy, it was another bad mistake.

My head hurt like hell and I accidentally barfed on some old lady. Life was just perfect. Hint the bit of sarcasm.

Me being the stupid drunken idiot I am (normally I'm very intelligent and will test food before serving it...which reminds me of Christmas dinner and grandpa's trip to the hospital...) but _anyway _being the drunken idiot I was, I decided to go visit Hyrule Castle.

As I was walking towards the door, I felt this terrible pain in my gut, but I just kept going after standing there for a minute. While knocking on the door, I fell over and fell asleep on the ground, curled up in a ball.

Why did I _knock_ on the door you ask? Because I was in a state of intoxication that I couldn't even describe to you...wait, I already have described it ;

Later, I found myself on a nice fluffy bed staring up at a pearly white ceiling.

'Where am I?' I thought to myself.

Then some weird girl came up to me.

"How are you feeling Link?"

I had no idea _what_ this person was talking about.

"Who are you and what have you done with my beer?" I asked assuring myself that I wasn't drunk.

"Why Link, it's me, Princess Zelda!"

"Zelda? Who's Zelda? Owww..." I asked while rubbing my head.

"What's the matter with you???" she questioned sounding infuriated.

"My head hurts..."

"LINK!"

I looked up and there was a bright light shining in my eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT BITCH???"

Now if you would've seen the look on her face then, you probably would have been shocked. Now, I'm not normally one to swear but, she got me really...pissed!

"STOP SHINING THAT DAMN LIGHT IN MY FACE YOU STUPID IDIOT!"

The princess stared at me and started to get tears in here eyes.

"What the f is your problem? ...my stomach hurts..."

Yeah, it hurt like...idunno but it hurt and if she wasn't gonna help me then, well...

I threw up on her. It was a total accident I swear! She was screaming though. That's about all I remember because after that I passed out.

When I woke up my head hurt really bad and I noticed the Princess by me again, except this time I recognized who it was.

"Princess Zelda!" I shouted while jumping out of bed and up to her.

"What am I doing here?"

The Princess grinned.

"Well Link, you were intoxicated and sleeping outside my castle door so I took you in. I don't think you recognized me though...and well...you vomited on me!"

I stood there staring at her. I felt like such an idiot. I guess someone as smart as me who graduated kindergarten in only six years can actually feel like an idiot.

"Ummmm...thanks, gotta go!" .

I ran off and back to the city. The rubber band wasn't a help to me there, but later, I'm sure it would be!

TO BE CONTINUED...

Okay, that chapter wasn't very good OR very funny, I'm sorry! ;; Please review anyway!


	3. Back in the Groove

Hey guys! Anyone remember me? Most likely not. I haven't posted on for a long time, but here's my comeback I guess.

So this is The Tales of Link and the Rubberband! Link is OOC (or is he?) and chaos ensues.

Disclaimer: Don't own anything from Zelda.

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Well, what a day that was! I made a drunken fool of myself in front of the Princess! I don't drink too often so, obviously, I need to build up a tolerence or something, then I can prevent these embarrassing events from transpiring...

...so I went back to the bar and had a few.

It was about 11:30 PM when I got out of the bar, and I can officially say I drank myself retarded. I figured I'd go ride my horse, maybe that'd helf wear off the effects. I left the village and went to Hyrule Field.

"Sure you should be going out like that?" asked the nosey-ass guard.

"Like what?" I asked dumbfoundedly.

"You can't even walk straight!" he stared at me walking away. "Oh, look at you! That's pathetic! You're walking crooked, you can't walk straight!"

Well, apparently he was correct in this assesement because no sooner did he say that, my face had met the ground. It hurt pretty bad, and I was angered.

"OH!" I started, getting up and getting prepared for battle. "So I walk like I'm gay? I don't walk _straight_ so I'm gay now?"

"That's not what I said..."

I pulled out my rubber band and was ready to take him down.

"I'LL KICK YOUR ASS MOFO!" I screamed, charging in a drunken rage.

He ran off to God knows where after seeing me charge at him. People in this place are very stereotypical, I wear a green skirt and tights, so I'm gay. C'mon people! Oh well...

So I was now out of town and I caught up with Epona, who was sleeping. Yes. Sleeping. I whipped it with my rubberband, but Epona seemed to get angered by this and I was kicked down. I was dizzy before, but now I could barely see straight.

Now I know what you're all thinking; Why all of a sudden so mean to everyone? Why the swearing? What does this have to do with your rubberband? Well, the answers? I'm drunk. I'm drunk. And you shall see!

I got out of the field and into a newer village. Mostly Zoras and Gorons live there. I've never seen this place before, so I decided I'd check out the bar, to see if it was worthy.

I walked in and viewed my surroundings. Typical Hyrule bar environment. Broken chairs, broken bodies, gambling, knife throwing, and drinking contests for the children. Looked pretty legit.

I continued walking over to the far end where I saw three guys playing cards for large amounts of money. I needed some money, so I got daring.

"Mind if I join you guys?" I asked with suave only possessed by maybe the shampoo itself.

The table consisted of two Zoras and a Goron.

"You got money, boy?" the Goron asked.

"Look who you're asking!"

There was a pause and they looked over me for a moment, it was really awkward.

"Whatever," said the one Zora, "He's in."

"Alright."

TO BE CONTINUED...

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Yeah, I know, this chapter was lame. I haven't had any caffeine yet, so the next chapter will be better, hopefully. Don't flame me too badly, it's hot enough already!


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